Annie is a third-year english student, two months away from leaving the uni bubble. She is the perfect person to talk about this week’s theme of friendships with, because as she says so herself, she’s had to kiss a few frogs to be able to make the genuine friendships that she has. In this Q&A, she shares her experiences of leaving home for the first time, the realities of friendships in your 20’s and her tips on finding the right people for you.

Q: How did you feel about moving in with people you didn’t know before starting Uni?

A: That was actually a really stressful prospect for me. I knew some of the people who I was going to move in with, because you can see it on our university accommodation portal, before you start. We found each-other on Facebook and we set up a group chat, and it was hard initially because they weren’t very chatty, and I worried that I wasn’t going to get along with them. I couldn’t find one of my housemates, and looking back we both agree that when we saw each-other, we didn’t think we’d make friends. But there was one nice evening that we all cooked together and spoke while we ate. I remember Anna had this Disney cup and I was like, “oh you like Disney?” and that was our little bridging moment, and from then on, we would study together and listen to Disney music. But initially it was a real worry because I was quite a home-bird and at the beginning, my parents would come and visit quite often. My sister had a saying, fake it till you make it, so I just tried to throw myself into things, trying to make a home away from home. Luckily we were all quite similar in that we would sit and chill, and have tea: we all ended up having the same mentality which was quite nice. It turned out really well and I wouldn’t change it, but the first few weeks were really strange, especially things like eating with people you didn’t know. But I still live with them now, so there’s a happy ending.

Q: Outside of the people you lived, and still live with, how else have you made friends

A: Before I went to Uni, I also joined a course group chat, and tried to associate with people off my course. I was very honest about the people I wanted to see, and tried to maintain some level of conversation with them, even if it was very small. I wouldn’t be friends with some of my best friends now, if other people hadn’t taken a back seat, because we gravitated towards each- other, and have very similar work ethics, and for me I have to find people with that same mentality. They’re a good amount of encouraging and supportive, and it felt natural to be supportive and encouraging back. Even if I’ve been friends with other people for longer, I’ve tried to actively pursue people I want to see, rather than have a friendship for the sake of it. I don’t want to come out of Uni with no genuine friendships, I’d rather come out with 3 or 4 really close friends, that I can be friends with for a really long time and really invest, than 20 people I vaguely know. It’s about gravitating towards the people that are like you and figuring out what you want from each person. Every friendship is different.

Q: Do you still talk to your friends from home?

A: I do. I had quite a big friendship group at home, about 12-15 people, and naturally you are better friends with some people, and that’s just a part of life. You can always love and care about people but they’re not always going to be a major part of your life. With my friends from home we’ll get together at New Years or in the summer, but there are people that I now know, that I’m closer with, and we’ve all accepted that as well. There’s no animosity there, and people accept that people move on but we’re supportive of that, and we see each-other when we can. I’ve got three friends from home that I prioritise and I know regardless, I will always want to see them. I’ve been quite bad at messaging because of Uni and the stresses that come with that but luckily, my friends understand that. When I go home, I’ll try and see them several times before I go back to Uni. Those friends that I do prioritise, fortunately all get on well, so it makes it easier to meet up as a group. I realised they were the people I cared about the most and I can spend the whole day with them and feel like I’ve still only just seen them.

Q: How do you feel about maintaining your friendships that you’ve made over the past 3 years, after Uni?

A: I’ve been thinking about this… I’ve realised with the home friendships, we all come from the place so we will all at some point return there, whereas my Uni friends are from all over the country. The people I do want to see, I know 100% regardless, I will see but I want us to make sure we schedule in time. It’s going to be weird not seeing my best friends everyday and that’s going to be strange, but I think it will be nice to schedule in calls or have a mutual meeting point that will be good for everyone. I’m trying to keep in mind that I know there are people I definitely want to see and spend time with, and that is my motivation to keep friends, because I think it’s really easy to let things go. I think you have to keep in mind that you’re friends with people and love them for a reason so don’t let that slide just because you’re busy.

Q: What advice would you give to people anxious about making friends at Uni?

A: Initially, I tried to pretend to be really chill and that didn’t really come across. I think you have to be yourself, because otherwise you’re going to make friends with the wrong people, and I’ve seen that happen. But I also think if you don’t get along with people straightaway, that doesn’t mean you’re not going to find people. You go through a lot: you miss family, you miss friends from home, and live in a new place, and so you want to make friends really quickly, but it’s important to make the right friends and you have to let it grow naturally. When you find the right people, it does click, it’s just trying new things. I didn’t meet some of my best friends until the end of last year, so you don’t have to pressure yourself to find friends. Just be comfortable with the fact that people come and go, and the right people will stay, and you’ll know when you find them because you’ll look forward to hanging out with. Be open to getting to know a variety of people and then settle down with a few people that really mean a lot to you. You learn a lot from the people you make friends with, and I feel like I have quite a diverse range of friends but we’re all the same at the core, and value the same things.